Hidan's Sexy Weasel
by madythekid
Summary: Hidan may have a creepy little obsession with Itachi and the feeling is anything but mutual. One sided HidaIta. Rated H for Hidan. Completely random.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Naruto and all the character belong to Kishimoto-san. If I owned Naruto, Neji would still be alive.**

**Note: This fic was kinda a joke between me and my friend but I decided to actually write it. It's just some creppy, crazy Hidan-ness. I hope you enjoy! :D And please review!**

* * *

Our damned leader has us all sit down at these dumbass dinners every week to talk about some shit that has to do with missions. I was shoving some corn in my mouth when I looked up to see that sexy weasel boy staring at me.

"What the hell are you looking at you weasel bastard!?" I yelled at him.

"Just observing how a beast eats his food." He answered in his low sexy voice.

"What the fuck did you just say!?" I yelled at him and jumped out of my chair. Usually I would just kill the bitch that said something like that to me. Weasel was just so fucking sexy that I just didn't even give a shit! But I obviously couldn't let the other member figure that out. They'd lose their shit!

"If you don't like the way I fucking eat, go crawl into one of your weasel holes! You damn weasel bitch!" I played the part, snatching one of the knives of the table when Kakadouche grabbed my arms and stopped me.

"What in the hell do you think you're doing, ya damn sewing machine!" I tried to pull away.

"Shut up and sit down or this 'sewing machine' will sew your mouth shut." He said quietly.

"As if I'd let you fuc-"

"Everybody calm down and sit down." The metal studded bastard cut me off and stood up.

"It's time to discuss our missions for the upcoming week." I sat down, pissed off. That bastard was always cutting me off. I never listened to any of the shit he said at these dumbass things. I just had Kakadouche tell me who to kill later. Everybody in this fucking room deserved to be sacrificed to the great Jashin-Sama! Except my sexy little weasel over there. I smirked and looked over at him. He seemed to really be paying attention to what the metal bastard was saying. All I could think about while staring at him was how bad I wanted to take him to bed and completely destroy his innocence. He looked over at me and I suggestively winked at him. He rolled his eyes and looked away but I know he really wants me.


	2. Chapter 2

Once the bastard had finally finished his damn speech, I went into the living room and sat down on the couch. The artsy lovers where already there, Firecrackers head lying in Pinocchio's lap. Those two obviously have some kind of thing going on. I don't know why they even try to deny it. I mean, it's so fucking obvious that even I can tell!

"Oh! Danna, Danna! Maybe Emily will finally tell Jack that she's really Amanda! Then he can work with them!" Firecracker said, way too fucking excited, as he turned on the TV to one his lame ass soap operas.

"I doubt it Dei. She's doesn't want to involve him in her revenge. Anyway, I think he'd be even more pissed at her than he already is. He wouldn't work with them." Pinocchio responded, seeming just as into this shit as Firecracker.

"But crazy things always happens on season finales, Danna!"

"Okay, okay we are not watching this shit again!" I finally jumped in grabbing the remote.

"The rest of us get enough soap opera in this house with you two lovers living here!"

"It's not a soap opera Hidan!" Firecracker yelled, not denying the lovers part.

"It's all the same damn thing!" I yelled. I started flipping through the channels when Weasel came in and sat down beside me. I slid closer and put my arm around him.

"What do you wanna watch, babe?" I asked as I looked in his sexy eyes and winked.

"Do not call me babe." He said as he moved my arm.

"Oh come on babe. We all know you want me." I grinned and leaned back into the couch, putting my arms behind my head.

"First, I do not 'want' you." He was fucking with me and playing hard to get. That only made me want him even more.

"And second, you have about as much charm as a pile of shit." He moved to the other end of the couch.

"Geez Uchiha." Pinocchio said shocked.

"Well damn, Weasel! I didn't know you knew such words." I looked at him.

"He lives with you. Of course he'd know such words." Pinocchio said in that 'I fucking know everything and am better than you ' voice that he always used with me like I was some kind of dumbass. His little boyfriend, now sitting up, was just sitting there looking all pissy. He had always hated Weasel but I don't know how you could hate someone so fucking sexy!

"Anyway," Weasel grabbed the remote out of my hand. "It's my turn to watch something. And I'm choosing a horror movie." He changed the channel.

"If you pussy out, I'll be right here for ya babe." I said patting his knee.

"Come on, Danna. We'll just go watch it in our room." Firecracker jumped up, pulling Pinocchio with him.

"Did you say 'our' room?" I asked creepily, raising an eyebrow. Like I already said; it's fucking obvious.

"It's not our room, Dei. It's my room. Leader-sama would never let you have a TV because you'd probably blow it up…" They were gone. It was just me and my sexy Weasel.

"Now it's just you and me, my little weasel baby." I winked. He sighed and rolled his sexy eyes.

"I am not your 'baby' and nor will I ever be." He stood up. "Now I shall just watch this in my room. I cannot handle your immature behavior. I guess I'll just have to put up with on our mission tomorrow so Pain-Sama doesn't get mad. I will see you tomorrow, Hidan." I watched his sexy ass as he walked away. Wait, what the hell was he talking about 'our mission tomorrow'? Eh, fuck it. I'll find out tomorrow. I grabbed the remote and laid down taking up the entire couch.


End file.
